#i spent a good few like….4
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What kind of spirit do you think Felassan waz?
Swag
#ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age the veilguard spoilers#<- this is my spoiler tag#dragon age: dreadwolf#dragon age 4#the dread wolf rises#da4#dragon age#bioware#video games#mjs mailbag#robotslenderman#felassan#Best Elf#no but on a serious note its a great question and one which ive been thinkin about a lot#did Felassan manifest from the Fade or was he born in the early days still but of others who had manifested before him?#and if he did manifest from the Fade what kind of spirit was he. lets say for fun for this post that#he was a spirit. I feel like there's quite a few different things that could work in that scenario#he has wit in terms of smarts & snark & whimsy. he was part of a movement that opposed tyranny and valued freedom. back then he wanted#to protect innocents. he's charismatic and good w/ people. he was a loyal friend to solas and later on was loyal to briala. he's calm and#level-headed. steady. a slow arrow makes its way to its target/goal slowly but steadily and you dont see it coming#Wit.. Loyalty.. Friendship.. Freedom.. Steadfastness.. Charm.. Protection.. Resolve.. Duty#my personal hc atm tho is- if he was- Guidance ◕‿◕. “'I kindled nothing' Felassan said. [...] 'I merely offered guidance.'"#he spent the rebellion guiding an army as a General and giving Solas guidance on how to be a good leader interact w/ people be the face#of a rebellion and to stay on the right path as one of his advisors. later he was Briala's hahren/elder giving her guidance through TME#he signs codexes like ask for the slow arrow and i will help/guide you. he was looking after those of flesh and fade in the lighthouse#guidance can be given from both a second-in-command (subordinate) role and from a superior (elder to mentee) role#when we see him in a memory Solas welcomes the spirits in elven then says “lasa ghilan” which means grant/give guidance#and the very next thing that happens is that Felassan speaks. an Arrow gives direction. it POINTS THE WAY..
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Agent Four's Controversial Halloween Costume
(the outfit has really sharp shoulderpads i know how to draw shoulders okay i know they don't jut out at a 45 degree angle)
@agent-4-art-contests
#if you saw this before nuh uh#splatoon#agent 4#callie splatoon#callie cuttlefish#callie#marie splatoon#marie cuttlefish#marie#first art contest submission!#i'm not winning but if i get like 3 votes that's good enough for me!#i could technically have spent a few more days on this but i would have 100% forgot to submit it#and it's halloween so it's topical!#also the little differences like the lack of hat and the higher shorts and no tattoo are purposeful to show that it's not the actual outfit#my art
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Here is lady pics from when I was MIA
#alek insanity#using this time to rant about my personal life. my dad had a medical emergency but he should be coming home soon#i spent a while at my aunts house it was fun they have a cat named harold hes so fatness#my stepmom has been staying with my dad up there and magically our heater broke#the hvac guys came (like 10 minutes ago) but they cant really fix it it just needs 2 be replaced atp.#and its been getting below freezing these past few days behhh#but its all good bc im gonna get popeyes soon#doodle (the lady) is sitting on my as i type this#and i decided to start drawing everyday !!! around 2 hours at a time is my goal. i used to draw until id get numbness in my arms#carpal tunnel speedrun? but ive realized its best for my joints if i draw for 1-2 hours. also if i draw everyday im more motivated#ive been trying to pace more too. i used to get 10k + steps a day but kinda. stopped doing that. oopsieeee. just aiming for better habits#fixed my sleep schedule too behhh#my friend has a christmas party on the 21st so im excited 4 that. also christmas in general bc im gonna get a new laptop#mine barely works and is held together with duct tape 😭 and im gonna get a ton of money#my friend is planning a h×h zine so thats exciting + there's a lot of ninjag0 ones around the corner. big things brewing#i think next year will be a good year. this year kinda... started off really shitty#hoping to get my drivers liscense next year. ive been studying for my permit but stuff keeps getting in the way#Also im gonna get new glasses soon after TWO YEARS hfgdhd . idk the future looks bright yall#and i got this fatness woman on me rn so happy times now too#shes trying to sleep on my leg . but ... i have to eat food ... doodleee lady
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boyfriend shirt...
update: if you like this art, please go check out this fic that @chessala wrote for it ╥﹏╥
update cont: this is the first time someone's ever written something for art that I've made, and I'm still so happy and touched beyond words that she wrote this. she was even kind enough to share the initial draft with me and asked for feedback and even worked in little suggestions i had for expanding on different parts of the writing, which was so fun and collaborative and I haven't gotten to do something like that in ages. I'm so overwhelmed (in a good way) and it feels like getting to beam the full mental vision of the scenario i had in my brain while working on this piece into the mind of anyone who reads it; ;
i know these close up crops are a bit silly but well. i did my best lol... the full version is up on my alt twitter linked in my pinned post ♡
please also observe the little 🐰 logo.... it is silly & crucial....
#ssmy#sasaki to miyano#miyano yoshikazu#sasaki shuumei#to say this piece exhausted me is an understatement lol...#i had to completely restart 4 times & because i used the same file the whole time my total hours were logged...#and i literally spent over 120 hours on this from start to finish... the last few days alone was over 20 hours...#this final attempt that ended up working was probably at least 50 or more hours on its own...#I'm mostly happy with how it's turned out but I'm kind of frustrated cause people might look at it and think it's just a sketch#when it's actually a fully rendered piece that i almost gave up on multiple times because the anatomy was so hard to figure out#even after making a pose ref in clip studio to help... the 3d puppet models are great but they DO NOT work well for any sitting poses#sorry to complain so much in the tags lol... i am very sleep deprived and just not feeling great about my art...#frustrated that my adhd makes it so that i have a million ideas - but only the capacity to follow through on any of them extremely slowly..#so i end up feeling like I'm just... i dunno. slow and falling behind... agh 😞#I need to sleep.....#update: i finally had a good night's sleep and now I'm feeling a bit better lol
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Yall I’ll be dropping a thanksgiving art later mkay
#if it flops i’ll cry HAHAH but its fine i did it for my kofi peeps#i…i really like it#its a bit messy towards the end bcuz this fever is going to melt my brain off#i spent a good few like….4?6? hours on this WHEEZE#ive gotton distracted and bery hungry over the course of drawinf that#trhose who celebrate tho happy early thanksgiving from ya panda#i personally don’t celebrate thats why i had to research the food and got hungry again LMFAO#gummmyspeaks
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Hello! Hope you don't mind the random ask 🥺 You said after the newest episode that Mushitarou is one of your favorite BSD characters; could you talk a little about your thoughts on him/why you love him/his arc? He's one of my favorites too, and it makes me so so sad how underrated he is, because imo he's one of the most well-written and tragic characters in the entire series, despite how little screentime (pagetime?) he gets :' ) I wish more people would talk about him. Really hope that changes after the next episode 💚
I honestly almost screamed when I got this ask YES I CAN TALK ABOUT MUSHITARO. I CAN TALK ABOUT HIM ALL DAY.
Ok well first of all he is the poor little meow meow. Pathetic scrunkly man. I'm sorry but you can't deny that it's true. Even in-universe, it's like he's the BSD world's chew toy. He keeps getting kidnapped by different organizations with like. No breathing room in between. Give him a BREAK. Funnily enough, I enjoy and usually like to poke fun at these kinds of characters, but they're not typically my favourites. Mushitaro is, by far, an exception to my usual favourite character types.
Second, I am a lover of bittersweet tragic storylines. Yeah. Honestly, the way the storyline built to the slow reveal - I knew immediately after Poe mentioned the water droplets that they were his tears, and I was starting to suspect what was really going on, but the way it was unraveled was so, so painful and beautifully done. Even knowing it was coming today when I watched the episode, it still hurt.
Thirdly, Mushitaro's circumstances raise some intriguing questions we still don't have answered. He was captured by the Seventh Agency and made to work for them with his ability - he considers them a worse alternative to Dostoevsky and refers to them as tyrants. (We also know of another shadowy organization that takes on ability users with useful skills for nefarious purposes, V. V also somehow managed to not be discovered by either the government or Ranpo in 13 years. I'm not saying there's a connection there but... but... there might be. 👀) Anyways, point is, there's stuff goin' on there. And I wanna know. (Also I like the motivation parallels with Ango very much.)
But most of all, I fully agree with you - he is very well-written. What I love most about his character is actually the way his narrative showcases what I believe to be some of the series' character writing's biggest strengths - to excellent (and heartbreaking) effect.
Characters are often revealed to be quite different than what their initial introductions would suggest. Later revelations serve to recontextualize earlier character cues - these early cues are often misleading but not outright lies.
To be clear, this isn't a hard or particularly unique thing in character writing - in fact, this is... kind of a minimum requirement. Your audience should be able to go back after the fact and notice new things about characters that you only get on re-read. But I find BSD is interesting for this because these initial impressions don't frequently tell you what these characters actually value - the "establishing moments" are often incredibly misleading. Mushitaro is an excellent example of this.
The best part of the perfect murder arc is the way it slowly unravels piece by piece - and as it unravels, more and more, we get to see the real Mushitaro. He starts off with these terrifying facial expressions, bragging and boasting about how he is the "detective killer" and how none stand in his way, cackling like a shallow cartoon villain. There's not much there to suggest a deeper character. Then there's the first flash to Yokomizo's murder, and Mushitaro appears to revel in it and the idea that he can't be caught. Another flashback shows him making these arrogant demands of a literal terrorist, like all his tableware being silver and porcelain and having access to a library of occult books for his study. Ok dude. This all paints the picture of a selfish individual, primarily concerned with expensive things and money and image - all things that perfectly fit Ranpo's initial conjecture as to the kind of person behind the Kindaichi murder. And just like Ranpo later says, it's a little too perfect.
The reveal builds slowly but surely, and Mushitaro's built-up image as a dramatic, remorseless murderer crumbles. Because he didn't kill out of hatred at all. He killed Yokomizo because Yokomizo asked him to do so. Because this, and the legacy of a mystery that transcended fiction into reality, was his only friend's dying wish. It was enough for Mushitaro to delay his escape just to fulfill it - what Ranpo refers to as a kind of willing self-destruction.
What Mushitaro ultimately values then is honouring the wishes of those he cares about and repaying those he owes. He will take the secret of Yokomizo's ultimate mystery to his grave. He used what he likely thought were his last moments alive to grab the transceiver and warn Ranpo about the danger the Agency was in. He only decided to trust Ango after Ango admitted his use of the Seventh Agency was to honour Oda's memory and wishes.
So, going back and re-reading his intro again, it becomes more clear that he was suffering from a kind of cognitive dissonance. "But wasn't he just playing the role he was supposed to?" No. He wasn't. The first flashback to Yokomizo's murder is much more violent and ends with Mushitaro cackling and going into a full villain monologue when there is no one else around but him. There's no one to perform this role for - except Mushitaro himself.
Both the killing and the ensuing grief stemmed from the exact same source - Mushitaro loved his friend deeply. But there is, I believe, no small amount of bitterness too, for the way they argued frequently, and the way his friend asked this of him. It's practically irreconcilable in his mind, and so Mushitaro leans into his role as the evil perpetrator who hated Yokomizo to such a degree that I honestly think he started to believe it - Mushitaro, with two narratives in his mind running parallel to each other that are fundamentally conflicting, tried to make a monster of himself. Insisted on being the monster, at least until Ranpo made it impossible for him to deny the true motive behind his actions - protecting his friend's last wish.
Fittingly for the climactic reveal of a mystery storyline that blurs fiction and reality, Mushitaro's real-life grief was his perfect fictional role's undoing.
Is he boastful? Arrogant? A bit of a coward? Absolutely. But Mushitaro is no monstrous villain - he is a man unable to confront his grief over his friend's death, and who, ultimately, doesn't intend any real harm.
Because other than Yokomizo, revealed as an agreed upon assisted suicide - Mushitaro never murdered anyone.
2. Characters are not cured of their pain and trauma. They continue to struggle with it during their development and it actively impacts the way they view and interact with the world around them.
Mushitaro's story is heavily themed around grief and his consistent denial of it's effects on him. At first, he denies by embodying the role Yokomizo wanted him to play - it seems to the point where he legitimately started to lose it. He's slipping when we first meet him. In a weird way, for as much as Ranpo tore his perfect crime apart... I feel like he also saved him, in a sense. The dissonance he was experiencing likely only would've gotten worse if he had not been forced to speak the truth aloud.
After that point... the denial focuses solely on the idea that Mushitaro doesn't miss Yokomizo at all. That he's doing just fine and Yokomizo should be jealous (he's far from fine; he doesn't even see a point in going outside anymore now that he won't be able to see his friend) and that he hated him (he doesn't. he never did. but he has to. he can't deal with it.).
Another thing I really like about his arc is that Mushitaro's grief also clearly stems from the entire thing being traumatic for him - but neither Yokomizo nor Mushitaro are demonized or victimized for this; rather the situation is just shown as it is. It's nice, that the story allows the reader/viewer to draw their own judgements. Both had their reasons for their actions - Yokomizo was already dying and wanted to go out in a way that was meaningful to him, while Mushitaro chose to fulfill this wish in spite of the cost to him. They both mutually self-destructed, in a way.
The narrative doesn't frame either as the villain. It doesn't fully frame either in victimhood either. It's a tragedy all the same.
Mushitaro continues to see and hear Yokomizo wherever he goes, not because he can't get rid of him... but because he never wanted him to be gone in the first place. Stabbing me would hurt less I think. :/
3. Characters often grow and change before they consciously realize it or have any sort of "epiphany".
This ties in a lot with the ongoing theme of uncertainty, and I above all really like this aspect of the series. BSD has characters grow and change and try to be better, do better by themselves and others... without being sure of the outcome. Sometimes before they're ready to consciously admit a change is necessary. There are few epiphanies. The characters are forced to slog through hardship and only then suddenly realize how far they've come - for better or for worse.
Mushitaro does change, even in the short span of time he is a focus character. I love the first little signs of it too - Mushitaro, who doesn't even like mystery novels, uses a trick Yokomizo told him about to help himself, Atsushi and Kyouka escape. Look at him :')
Afterwards, he starts to wonder if he can see Yokomizo whenever he enters a locked room - as in, if connecting to the memory of his friend through what he loved in life will mean that he keeps that memory alive.
And as annoyed as he is with Poe's attempts to get him to write a mystery... a part of him is happy to be around people that he could start to consider his friends. Enough that the Yokomizo he hallucinates wonders if maybe he doesn't need him there anymore. And finally Mushitaro bursts.
But this is actually good. He's finally past that denial phase, the part that had him talking about hate when really he missed him all along. Thing is, he'd already been developing and changing by this point, in that he needed the growth to come to terms with this truth, and it was not the truth that drove the growth.
In a sense, Mushitaro working through his grief and uncertainty led him to a brighter outcome, one where he has more friends and can start anew. He lost the closest person in his life. But his arc continuously asserts that in spite of the fact that he will always miss his friend, Mushitaro himself is still alive. And he should live that life - both moving forward and keeping the memory of his friend with him.
Odasaku believed that writing a novel was to write people. Poe was so insistent on getting him to write because it's a way of seeing the people we want to see anytime we want.
What a beautiful character arc, that began with fiction as an escape from real-life pain, and concluded with fiction as a means to work through it and with it instead.
Plus he's just such a funky little dude.
I. Love. Mushitaro.
#also mushitaro mentions his late father a few times when talking to ranpo - it seems his dad told him to be kind to strangers#and perhaps enjoyed deductions?#idk i'm curious as to what kind of dynamic mushitaro had with his father#since his ability is so inherently sneaky and his father sounds like an honest man#anyways. i love him so much. i want good things for him.#bsd#bsd meta#bsd mushitaro#thanks for the ask!#this is so long holy shit#no wip wednesday take this meta i spent four hours on instead#hmm. sskk 'i only have so long to live due to illness' parallels#rimlaine 'i refuse to rejoin the world because the only person i care for is no longer out there' parallels#or maybe skk 'you never take my suggestions'/constant bickering and death threats parallels#and for all of the above: 'i hate him' <- actually doesn't#storyrambles#<- i really did.#bsd spoilers#bsd season 4
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2/3 finals OVERRRRRR
#tge beginning was stressful bc i was 5 mins late and it was so muvh fucking grammar.#the middle was pretty easy just writing a few paragraphs about political stuff#the end was super easy reading comprehension questions but . i was super slow so i was strsssed abt the time#when i stood up the world started spinning and the proctor asked me if i was good 😭#i spent nearly 4 hours in that damn exam room .#when i got in the car my dad and i listened to charli xcx loudly w the windows down it was nice! then i came home and my mom started#arguing with me over random shit..#lol i feel like dying a bit im so drained#z.post
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I had yet another long, strenuous day yesterday and didn't finish work until super late and then I couldn't fall asleep until well past 2am cuz I was in so much pain from standing literally all day
#what made it worse was the client I spent most of my day with was a brand new client. and she booked super last minute#so I wasnt mentally prepared for doing a 5 hour color. and her natural hair was already pretty light so I had to foil foil foil. go back.#pull out first couple foils. foil foil foil. go back. pull out the next few.#over and over and over.#and her hair was so fucking long. and so fucking thick.#and after the first hour she wouldn't talk. like I like my silence so I don't fight it much#but every now and then I would try to engage with her. I'd say something and she would straight up ignore me. no acknowledgment.#which makes me feel anxious cuz it's like jesus... does she hate me?? did I piss her off somehow?#even when I finished her hair (it looked fucking amazing no lie. one of my best highlights yet.) she had next to no reaction to it#she was like 'it looks fine. I mean good. it's good.' completely deadpan#I laughed it off and was like yeah it's been a long day girl! but it looks amazinggg on you!!#no response. deep inhale. alright.#whatever tho.#when I did finally get off work I stopped @ bojangles cuz I was lightheaded and hadn't eaten since morning#and when I tell you I almost broke down into tears cuz there were so many people crowding the goddamn pickup area.#and so many bizarre conversations going on. genuinely felt like I was in some form of hell#like my feet hurt. my back hurts. I'm tired. I didn't get the validation I like to have over a 5 hour transformative color.#I'm hungry and there are two elderly women blocking the pickup counter. one is hard of hearing so she keeps yelling HUH???#and the other only speaks in soft baby whispers. that goes as well as you can imagine.#there's a man behind me grilling an employee abt whether or not he goes to church. he starts witnessing to him#and the employee says 'I've never thought about it like that before' no less than 4 times.#there's a child in front of me playing tiktoks @ full volume. and this is all happening simultaneously.#I really considered just leaving without my food but I knew I needed to eat and didnt have anything at home so I stuck it out#was it worth it? no. bojangles honestly sucks these days but what's a girl gonna do.#got home and tried to pass out but nope. tossed and turned all night.#put on hot n cold patches to try to soothe the pain a little. didn't work cuz one pain would be eased a bit and another pain would take over#blahhhhhh#and now. I get to do it all over again! yippeeeeeee!!!!!!!!
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the barn owner will be buying charlotte and i’m so happy it’s worked out so well but at the same time. i’ve never not had a horse. it’s going to take some time to figure out who i am, i think.
#reed.txt#i cried about it yesterday#it’s…less about selling her because we didn’t ever truly click and more about. i am losing such a CORE facet of myself.#it’s terrifying#i don’t know who i am without 4am saturday wake up calls for shows#or twelve hour barn days riding anywhere from 6-10 horses#and yeah it’s settled some over the last few years but it’s still 3-4 hours a day outside with creatures#even if i live to be 90 one-third of my life will have been spent with horses like. that can’t change.#they’ve just been such a huge part of me and i’m scared#but…it’s good. it’s. i need it. i’m excited about the future.
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i am so weak against compliments . so weak....
#i spent 1h and 3/4 thinking 1. i am a#never doing this again 2. this could have been a line on your website. not even an email just a single line on your website#AND THEN LAST 15 MINUTES I WENT UP I DID THE THING AND THE TEACHER WAS LIKE NO BUT YOU'RE REALLY GOOD YOU HAVE A NATURAL PREDISPOSITION TO#IT AND A FEW OTHERS WENT YEAH YOU CANT NOT DO THIS YOU'RE TOO GOOD AND I#am weak
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today on “incredibly specific country songs that absolutely slap and Abram will fight people over”:
- i drive a tractor, die mad about it (International Harvester by Craig Morgan) - my wife left me for real this time :[ (Gone by Montgomery Gentry) - ngl life sucks but don’t give up (If You’re Going Through Hell by Rodney Atkins) - guy vandalizes a watertower to impress a girl; town’s only problem was his color choice (John Deere Green by Joe Diffie) - what if i just Left (Last Dollar (Fly Away) by Tim McGraw) - a dad learns how to be a stay-at-home mom (Mr. Mom by Lonestar) - i love my wife and i would give her the fucking world (Tall, Tall Trees by Alan Jackson)
SPECIAL CATEGORY “songs that CAN and WILL make Abram cry every time they hear it”: - Guess I’ll Die (Live Like You Were Dying by Tim McGraw) - conversations you can have by not answering the phone (Austin by Blake Shelton) - someone very important to me died :(( [dad?? girlfriend?? it’s undecided] (I Drive Your Truck by Lee Brice) - hi i love you i hope life is good to you (My Wish by Rascal Flatts)
#listen#listen to me#if we are anywhere and 1. gone. 2. if you're going through hell. 3. last dollar. or 4. mr mom. start playing#that shit is hitting full volume and i will be screaming the lyrics#rip to your ears but thats the price you would have to pay#live like you were dying too but it does make me cry lmao#also for i drive your truck; i always think it's about his dad but my mom thinks his girlfriend??#and lee brice didn't write it but he says he thinks girlfriend when he sings it but the person who wrote it says dad#but they also both say up for interpretation#so like#take it how you will#anyway yeah i listened to a few songs today cus i spent like 2 hours today driving lmao#country music#this list is not up for debate btw these songs are all fucking good and i will die on this hill#shh ac
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It just doesn’t feel that satisfying somehow,, In the past you could get several suits for this price qq I love this suit a lot and I got 2 pieces of the demon suit bc I had to pay slightly over to get it to 550 exp(and had no luck with daily deals >>) but ;; welp… bye money, hello beautiful cat girl who I’ve wanted since the second I saw her previewed for cn-! Gotta focus on positives! not the ~20 or smt aud im trying not think about GKAKVKA
She be like this ^ GODLY!
#love nikki#sorry to be negative#it bothers me… RNG daily packs rly rly sucks ;; the best ones always come when I DONT need them#I rly hate those zodiac packs too- had to buy one and it felt like such a waste of my 3aud GKAKVKA </3 ugh…#at least if I’d gotten the suit but no I got 4 stamina.. a little voice in my head just “try again! it’s 23% chance! ppl usually get it in 3#*-3 tries>:D” and that’s exactly how the format works… evil.#this is why I don’t spend much money on LN or ANY app often … it’s depressing fr </3#but … this suit … hhh DEF too good to miss! it’s top tier!#trying not to think of the 20? rocks extra I have which are going to go to waste.. unless ofc I spent MORE money :)))) I hate this game lmao#just a bit#Welp.. on the plus side I gained like 3k dias lately GKAKVKA and got so many monthly cards o.o it’s a first#so if there’s any event coming next which I want I can easily get it xD yay~ that surely counts for SOMETHING#tbh I don’t wanna spend any more on this app tho… I’ve gotten a few recharges this year (this being most $$$) so that’s enough…#with each purchase I get closer to v8… and that kinda scares me GKAKVKA
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changed my pfp back to eena so the pinned post gets removed but idk what to pin now.. do i make a .. promo post..? an intro...? hm....
#mine#today was pretty chill even if i was scared for a good chunk of it#and the reading i did for myself for this weekend was like You can do this. Don't pull your hair out when you know its ok#so i was buckling in but it was pretty ok! mostly just been stressing about the Order to do moving stuff in#i have...4 ish weeks left. which feels like a generous amount of time until!#you live for your weekend. and all your work days are spent going God i cant wait for my weekend#and then you do that twice and then boom youve burnt through 1/3rd your time. Like uhhh#finished watching night in da woods today i forgot how to feel like a person for a few hours after#i wanna drawwwwwww....#wish i really did buy an artichoke for this weekend btw. i spent the entire weekend going ouggg i wish i could eat artichoke rn#blehhhh... morale low but drive is high enough to keep going
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If the bank drops my call again I will commit a felony
#if the fucking lady would have just taken my address a few days ago this wouldn’t be a problem#but I had to let her know I was moving in in a few days ie not there yet so she refused#like I already explained I spent 4 hours!! trying to get a call through and you’re like lol sucks good luck without access to a credit card#needlessly complicated for real
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i've got 4 drafts, but i'm gonna catch up on starters! here we gooooo
#❛ out of character … cannibal mother.#got quite a few to write up#i've spent the last few hours just#catching up on like 14 drafts#so i think i did good! down to 4!#with a few added DURING the time i was writing
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the thing about some men is that they want you to remember, at all times, that you are underneath them. that with one word or look or "joke", you will stay beneath them. that even "exceptions" to the rule are not true exceptions - the commonly cited statistic that one in eight men believe they could win against serena williams.
women's gymnastics is often not seen as real gymnastics. whatever the fuck non-euclidian horrors rhythmic gymnasts are capable of, it's often tamped down as being not a sport. some of the most dominant athletes in the world are women. nobody watches women's soccer. despite years of dancing and being built like a fucking brick, men always assume they're faster and stronger than i am. you wouldn't like what happens when they are incorrect. once while drunk at a guy's house i won a held-plank challenge by a solid minute. the party was over after that - he became exceedingly violent.
what i mean is that you can be perfect, and they still think you're ... lacking, somehow. i hope you understand i'm trying to express a neutral statement when i say: taylor swift was the possibly the most patriarchy-palatable, straight-down-the-line woman we could churn out. she is white, conventionally attractive, usually pretty mild in personality. say what you will about her (and you should, she's a billionaire, she can handle it), but a few things seem to be true about her: 1. she can write a damn catchy song, and 2. the eras tour truly was a massive commercial success and was also genuinely an impressive feat of human athleticism and performance.
i don't know if she deserves the title of "woman of the year," i'm not debating that in this post. what i am saying is that she was named Woman of The Year, and then an untalented man got onstage at the golden globes and made fun of her for attending her boyfriend's football games. what i am saying is that this woman altered local economies - and her dating life is still being made into a "harmless" punchline. the camera panned, greedy, over to her downing a full glass of champagne. congratulations taylor! you are woman of the year! but you are a woman. even her.
fuck, man. write better material.
a guy gets onstage at a college graduation and despite the fact like half the crowd is made up of women, he spends a significant proportion of it warning these people - who spent possibly hundreds of thousands of dollars on their education - that they were lied to. that the "real" meaning of femininity is motherhood. that they shouldn't rest on the laurels of that education-they-paid-for but instead throw it away to kneel at a man's heel. imagine that. sweating in your godawful polyester gown (that you also had to pay for!), fresh out of 4 years of pushing yourself ever-harder: and some guy you've never met - who knows nothing about you - he reminds you this "win" is a pyrrhic one at best. you really shouldn't consider yourself that extraordinary. you're still a woman, even after years of study.
god forbid you are not a pretty woman, but if you are pretty, you must be dumb. god forbid you are not ablebodied or white or cis or straight or good at swallowing. you must be beneath a man, or else they are not a man. the equation for masculinity seems to just be: that which is not a woman or womanly (god forbid). anything "feminine" is thereby anathema. to engage in "feminine" things such as therapy, getting a hug from a friend, or crying - it is giving up ones manhood. therefore women need to be put in their place to ensure that masculinity is protected.
this is something i have struggled to explain to terfs - they are not doing the work of feminism, but rather the patriarchy. by asserting that women and men must be (on some secret level) oppositional and in conflict, they also assume that being a woman is akin to being another species. but bigotry does not stem from observational truths or clarity - that is what makes it bigotry. there was nothing in my childhood that made me fundamentally different from my brother. we are treated differently nonetheless. to assert there is some biological drive that enforces my gender role is to assert that women have a gendered role. men do not see women as equal to them not because of biological reality - but instead because the core tenant of the patriarchy is that women aren't full, realized people.
we are told from a very young age to excuse misbehavior as a single man's choice - not all men. it is not all men, just that one guy. all women are gold-digging bitches who belong in the kitchen - but if a man is mean, bigoted, or violent to you, it's just that particular guy, and that means nothing about men-as-a-whole. it is only one guy who got mad when you gently rejected him. it is only one guy who warns her this trophy is heavy, are you sure you can hold it? it is only one guy who smashes her face into the cake. it is only one guy talking into a mic about hating our bodily autonomy.
i have just found that they often wait until the moment we actually seem to be upstaging them. you sit in a meeting where you're presenting your own findings and he says get me a coffee? or you run to the end of the marathon and are about to finish first and he pushes your kids out in front of you. you win the chess game and they make some comment akin to well, you're ugly away. we can be the billionaire and get the dream life and finally fucking do it and yet! still! they have this strange, visceral urge to say well actually, if you think you're so great -
it's not one just one guy. it's one in eight.
#posting my drafts#i want to stress im a taylor swift enjoyer. sorry.#also if someone wants to venmo me for the radfem hate i get daily i need like 60 bucks#someone stole my taylor swift official merch quarter zip :(#the point im specifically making in the tswift paragraphs i hope is clear which is like.#taylor is not threatening their ideas of masculinity or femininity. she is incredibly milquetoast. i mean i love her#but there's nothing about her that challenges the status quo. EXCEPT for her success.#and that's what pisses so many men off: the success.#so if THE VISION of white heteropatriarchy STILL is being treated this way.....#what do you think is happening to minority populations??#i just feel like be annoyed w/her about real things but being weird about her dating someone is like#soooooooooooooooooooooo fucking annoying. like ya know????#[said with the knowledge i need you to be soooo normal about how you interpret this entire piece and also these tags]
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